So, I have this child.
And this child is particularly stubborn and a teeny weenie bit difficult to deal with.
And this child's poor mother is feeling a little stressed now that this child isn't only her problem -
because he now goes to school.
His poor teacher has been seeing a lot of this
classic shot by Stephanie Ryan
Bless that poor teachers heart.
She's being a good sport.
But he has a little problem with not wanting to do something if it isn't his idea
And when pushed to do so, quickly reverts to his favorite pose (see figure A)
So O wise mothers of the blogosphere -
I'm looking for lots of ideas and advice.
I've been referred to a few great books (thanks Erynn),
but I'd like all the ideas I can get!
Oh, and does anyone else out there have a child like this?
Please say I'm not the only one.
4 comments:
So funny! Have you seen my FB status yet? When does our 12step group start?
I have a child like that!! There always seems to be one in a family. Our child gets lots of time outs at home for whining or throwing fits or for not listening. We also try to make sure we give him lots of praise and positive attention when he is obedient or playing nicely. He earns tokens (we use dried beans) for good behavior to use for different privileges (computer time, special outings, etc.) It seems to help. He's not perfect by any means, and neither are we, but his behavior has improved slowly. I don't know what to do about the way he acts at school, though. Let me know if you find some good tips!
I do have one of those, and I think each of my boys have gone through that phase. They do outgrow it. There is hope.
Kira, I have three going on four defiant children, but our foster son has been the hardest of all to deal with. We have him in a behavior intervention program and they have taught us a lot of great things to help with defiance and other behavior issues. But, the biggest thing that works is positive reinforcement. Ask him to do something that you know he wants to do and then praise him for obeying. Do this as many times a day as you possibly can. Also we play an obedience game. I gather the children around me and I tell them we're going to play a game then I say, "Put you hands on your head." and everyone who obeys I point at and say, "You did a great job obeying, thank you!" Then, I do simple things like that over and over. If it's not appealing to them then I bring in motivation for obeying (M&M's). Each time they obey they get one. I try to work up the game to larger things like, "Find a book on the floor and put it on the book shelf." "You did it, you obeyed! Thanks for obeying!" Positive reinforcement will get you a lot farther than anything else because Children love attention from those they love and when you give them attention for doing something, they'll do it again. The more attention you give a behavior the more you'll see it. If you give attention to the negative behaviors you'll see them more, so when he's not behaving well, as long as his/others safety is not involved, ignore it or come back to it later. If you must give a time out or other consequence do it with as little attention to him as possible.
Let me know if you want more ideas. I've got lots of things that work.
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